(based on the dream of my friend Siona) [Not the one who's in love with Cartman, my real friend Siona G.]

[SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. Interior. Stan and Kenny are walking down the hall.]

KENNY: {Hey, what the hell is that?}

STAN: What?

KENNY: {That.}

[He points to the ceiling of the hall. We see a bomb there.]

STAN: Holy shit! It's a bomb, Kenny!

KENNY: {Oh fuck!}

[Stan grabs Kenny's arm and drags him down the hall towards some classes.]

STAN: GET THE FUCK OUT! THERE'S A BLOODY BOMB!

KID: Huh?

KENNY: {There's a fucking bomb here!}

[Kids scream and run out of the class. They manage to get the kids out of the building. They run into Mr. Garrison's class]

STAN: Guys! [Says it like the guy from 'Speed'.] There's a bomb in the school!

KYLE: Yeah, right.

CARTMAN: Quit trying to scare me, dude.

KENNY: {Would we kid about this, fat-ass?}

CARTMAN: Mmmmm...Maybe.

STAN: Get the fuck out!

CARTMAN: Ay! Don't talk to me like that, you fucking cock sucking wanker!

MR. GARRISON: ERIC! Watch ya fucking language!

STAN: Mr Garrison! You gotta believe us! There's a bomb in the hall!

MR. HAT: Sit down, Stan! NOW!

STAN: But there's a bomb!

[He grabs Kyle and drags him out the room. Cartman sighs and follows. Soon the others kids follow too.]

MR. GARRISON: Shit.

[OUTSIDE. The bomb goes off and the whole building collapses.]

KIDS: Oooooo!!!

[Some kids cheer. We see a wine bottle pop and bubbly comes out.]

STAN: See?! I told you! You didn't believe me!

PRINCIPAL VICTORIA: Well, maybe you were the ones who put it up, boy howdy.

STAN/KENNY: What?!

MR. MACKEY: Did you boys get some drugs? M'kay, drugs are bad, m'kay?

KENNY: {Where would we get drugs?!}

STAN: From him?

[We see the homeless guy.]

HOMELESS GUY: Not me this time.

[Walks off.]

MR. GARRISON: You boys are in big trouble now!

[The mothers come up.]

LIANE: What happened?

PRINCIPAL VICTORIA: The school was bombed by some students.

MRS. McCORMICK: I'd hate to be their mother.

SHARON: Me, too.

PRINCIPAL VICTORIA: It was your sons.

SHARON/MRS. McCORMICK: WHAT?!

MR. MACKEY: Young Stanley Marsh and Kenneth McCormick were the first to announce the bomb's existence.

SHARON: Stanley! How could you?!

STAN: But, Mom! I didn't-

MRS. McCORMICK: Kenny! Hasn't your father taught you anything?!

KENNY: {Yeah, how to get Playboys at the local stand?}

[Mrs. McCormick grabs his ear.]

KENNY: {Ow, Mom!}

[Sharon grabs Stan's hand.]

SHARON: What the hell got into your mind, Stanley!?

STAN: I didn't do it! I just found it! Me and Kenny walked down the hall and he noticed it!

MRS. McCORMICK: Kenny! You must have if you noticed it!

KENNY: {But Mom! Who could miss it?! It was as large as Cartman's ass!}

CARTMAN: Ay!

KENNY: {Maybe it was him! Maybe he put it up! Cartman always hated the school!}

CARTMAN: Why'd I waste good money on a number 5865 Altroxing Bomb filter?

[Silence. We then hear the traditional falling sound, a piece of big metal, barely missing Cartman lands point up, we see the name on the metal, 5865 Altroxing Bomb filter.]

KENNY: {How did you know the type, Cartman?}

CARTMAN: Uhhhh.....good guess?

STAN: It was him! He knew the type! It must have been him!

CARTMAN: NO!

LIANE: My little baby would never rig up a bomb. He doesn't know how to!

CARTMAN: Yeah!

KENNY (to Stan): {Dude, let's try reverse psychology.} (to Cartman) {Hey, Cartman, how DO you rig up a bomb?}

CARTMAN: Well, first of all, you have to rig up the timer to the wanted time limit, cross the yellow wire with the red, twist the-AY!

[Officer Barbrady comes up.]

BARBRADY: Eric Cartman, you have are under arrest for the bombing of the elementary school. How do you plead?

CARTMAN: Not guilty!

BARBRADY: Yeah, right!

[Whacks Cartman on the head with the night stick.]

[LATER. Cartman is on his own in a jail cell.]

CARTMAN: (singing) Swing low, sweet chariot. Coming forth to carry me home! Swing low, sweet chariot, coming forth to-

GUARD: SHUT UP!

CARTMAN: Ay!

[Takes out a harmonica and starts to play.]

CARTMAN: (harmonica) I hate you guys! (harmonica) You guys are assholes! (harmonica) Especially Kenny! (harmonica) I hate him the most. (harmonica) Okay, let's try one all together! (harmonica) I hate you guys! (harmonica) Especially Kenny!

[Rock hits him in the head.]

GUARD: I told you to shut the fuck up!

CARTMAN: Fine!

[STAN'S HOUSE .Television has the News on.]

NEWS READER: And eight year old Eric Cartman was arrested today for the bombing of the elementary school. Witnesses say that Eric specified the type and how to rig up a bomb on the incident. All leads point to him.

SHARON: I still can't believe it. Eric bombing the school.

Randy: Yeah, I guess we're not sure of who we know.

[Screen shows file photo of Cartman. He has cake on his face, jam on his gloves, and other assorted food products on him. Stan laughs hysterically.]

NEWSMAN: Here at the trail is everyone's favorite, a midget wearing a bikini.

MIDGET WEARING A BIKINI: Thanks Tom, here at the trail of the "case of the bomb boy," Eric Cartman pleaded not guilty again. But everything seemed out of his reach. Including the Cheesy Poofs near by.

[Sketches show the Judge Moses, Cartman at the stand, Liane crying, Cartman stretching out to reach the food.]

[COURT ROOM]

CARTMAN: Why do things like this always happen to me?! Why not Kenny or Kyle?! Or maybe even Stan?!

JUDGE MOSES: You, the Jury, have you reached a verdict?

LADY: We have your honor. We, the Jury, find Eric Theodore Cartman.....

[Silence. We hear a dog bark and a heart beat]

CARTMAN: JUST TELL US ALREADY!!

LADY: Guilty.

[Gasp.]

CARTMAN: Ba....ba......

JUDGE MOSES: Eric Cartman, you have been found guilty of bombing the school. A average of two years are to be spent in Juvenile Hall.

CARTMAN: Ma! MA DO SOMETHING!!

LIANE: Watch that ass in prison, son.

CARTMAN: WHAT?!

[STAN'S HOUSE.]

STAN: Wow. Juvenile hall.

[Picks up the phone and dials Kyle.]

KYLE: Hello?

STAN: Dude, did you see the news?

KYLE: Yeah! Two years without Cartman around!

STAN: Sweet!

[JUVENILE HALL. Exterior. Cartman walks up to the doors with chains around his ankles and wrists. Liane is there too]

LIANE: Now you be careful, Eric, the prison can be very dangerous.

CARTMAN: Ok, Ma..

LIANE: Now don't let anyone butt rape you either.

CARTMAN: EW!

[Man comes and leads Cartman away by the chain around his ankles.]

[INSIDE. The doors slam and Cartman stands there looking at the people staring at him. There's one girl with hair down to her feet, a guy with red hair, and the other has brown hair.]

CARTMAN: Hi, everybody, my number is.... (glances at his number) 100WIDEASS...AY!

RED HEAD: Hey, I'm 198DUMBASS. But you can call me Louie.

GIRL: I'm 155CUTEASS. You can call me Megan.

BROWN HEAD: I'm 145STUPIDASS, but call me Benny.

MEGAN: What ya in for?

BENNY: Hey, aren't you the guy who bombed the school?

CARTMAN: NO! I didn't bomb the school! I'm not guilty!

LOUIE: But you *did* give instructions on how to put a bomb together.

CARTMAN: My uncle Howard taught me!

MEGAN: Who?

CARTMAN: Howard Cartman.

MEGAN: The same Howard Cartman who killed the bus load of kids on Christmas day?

CARTMAN: Yeah.

MEGAN: And you're related to him?! Can I have your autograph?

[The door opens and a mean looking kid comes in. He has rings through is nose, ears, eye brows, lip and probably his tongue.]

MEGAN: Oh, hey Adam.

ADAM: Who the hell are you? (points at Cartman)

MEGAN: This is the kid who bombed the school.

ADAM: Good thing you did it, I would've long ago.

CARTMAN: Ahhhh....yeah.

[Another kid comes up behind Adam, he looks pretty much the same except his shirt sleeves are ripped off, revealing tattoos.]

KID: Who are you, fat boy?

CARTMAN: AY! Don't call me fat, you son of a bitch!

MEGAN: Andrew, this is Cartman. The kid who bombed the school.

ANDREW: Wow, kid, you have a lot of guts.

CARTMAN: Uhhhh....thanks?

[SOUTH PARK PLANE AIRPORT.]

[A plane comes crashing down, it appears to be almost to hit the runway, it straightens up and comes to a perfect .8 landing. (Whatever the hell that is.) The stair thing comes and we see Tina walk off. She's got some Haiwaiian clothing on, she then automatically opens her suitcase, takes out a cloth, drapes it over her, and pulls it away to reveal her normal clothing. She walks down the street carting the suitcase too. She arrives home and dumps her bag on her bed, and heads out again. She arrives at Cartman's. She knocks on the door, as the door opens, we hear wild music and voices, Liane is standing there in a belly dancer's outfit.]

LIANE: Oh, hello, Tina.

TINA: Is Eric home?

LIANE: Why, no, didn't you hear?

TINA: Heard what?

LIANE: Eric's been jailed for two years for bombing the school.

TINA: What!?

LIANE: It was in the paper this morning.

[Liane holds out a messy news paper and we see Cartman, covering his face with his hand as a huge crowd around him. The caption reads: BIG FAT BOY, BIG FAT BOMB.]

TINA: Dude!

[She grabs the paper and walks off. She reads it as the walks.]

TINA: (reading)..Thanks to the help of young Kenneth McCormick and Stanley Marsh, the school was cleared out before the bomb could hurt any young lives. Unfortunately the school was lost. Young Eric Theodore Cartman has been jailed in juvenile hall for two years.

[She puts it down and stares ahead. We pan to a few miles ahead of her and we see juvenile hall. There's a long line of people outside, there's a poster on a window.]

POSTER: SEE THE BIG FAT BOY WITH THE BIG FAT BOMB!

[Tina pushes her way through the long line and comes to a stop. We see her point of view, Cartman with Megan, Louie, Benny, Andrew and Adam are in a room which is a cell with a one way mirror. She can see them, but they can't see her. Tina walks to the window and puts her hands up to it.]

TINA: Cartman?

[Inside.]

ANDREW: Ah, great, another one of the "see the kid" expos.

CARTMAN: What do ya mean?

MEGAN: Every time a kid breaks a law and is imprisoned, they stick them in this tiny crappy room where people pay to see us, and we can't see them.

CARTMAN: You mean people are looking at us right now?

BENNY: That's the size of it.

[Cartman gets up and looks at his reflection in the mirror. We see Tina's side and he's looking right where she would be.]

TINA: Oh, Cartman, I'm gonna get you out of there. I know it.

[She starts to move away, she stops, she kisses her hand and puts her hand to the glass, she then walks away.]

ANDREW: So, Cartman, ya got a girl?

CARTMAN: Oh YEAH! But she's away on holiday in Haiwaii. She doesn't know about this.

MEGAN: What she like?

CARTMAN: Weird.

ALL: Weird?

CARTMAN: That's the only way to explain her. Weird. Her name's Tina.

MEGAN: Tina...s'okay name, I guess...

CARTMAN: Tina is the best name in the world!! Tina Turner, Tina Yothers, Tina Arena, Tina Alvereze...I can't think of any others.

[Adam wakes up.]

ADAM: Tina Alvereze?

CARTMAN: You know her?

ADAM: Yeah...we used to go out back in California.

CARTMAN: Oh, yeah...she mentioned a guy named Adam she used to go out with. You like her?

ADAM: She's okay. You're right, she is weird. One minute she wasn't in the school, the next she is. She's quite a girl. But we just grew apart, I guess.

CARTMAN: Oh.